I am sitting here in a quiet house. The teenagers have left.
Over the last few weeks, many parents have dropped their kids off at university for fresher’s week. Myself included. I’ve got one twin at York studying sociology and the other in the USA on a soccer scholarship studying business.
If your 18-year-old has left home for university, chances are you are feeling a huge loss and have cried big tears. I certainly have. Did you go and sit in their room and cry? Are they on your mind all the time and you’re waiting for the next text?
STOP
Don’t get lost in the emptiness of your nest. For most of our lives, we devote ourselves to caring for others. Maybe now, it’s time to think about ourselves. The kids have spread their wings – now it’s our turn. One of my friends mentioned she’s already hoping to become a grandmother so she can nurture again. But why not take this time to nurture yourself?
This year I had the privilege of interviewing 50 women over 50 for my next book – women who are thriving, happy, and inspiring. Many of them told me they’re living their best lives right now. We’ll always be parents, and our kids will still need us even after they leave home, probably more than we realize. But that doesn’t mean we can’t reframe our lives and focus on our own growth and happiness.
How do you start rediscovering yourself? Chances are you’ve been racing through life, caring for others, and handling responsibilities without taking the time to reflect on what truly makes you happy. Now is the perfect moment to pause, take a deep breath, and think about your future.
What will make you happy and help you live your best life? I’ve asked this very question to the inspiring women I’ve interviewed for my book, podcast, and beyond. The answers vary widely because happiness is deeply personal and unique to each of us. I’ll dive into this more in my next book, but for now, let me offer you some ideas – each of which can be great for your overall health and well-being.
Women’s circles are powerful at every stage of life, but I’ve found they become even more important as we get older. Friendships and community are key to our health, with research showing they can reduce the risk of major illnesses like dementia and cancer. No one wants to face loneliness in later life, which can become a real issue once the kids leave home. If you’re feeling isolated, joining a class or picking up a new hobby can help you find a new social group.
How about revisiting hobbies or interests you used to love but may have forgotten along the way? When I talk to women about what brings them joy, many talk about physical activities they once enjoyed, like netball, swimming, dancing, or hiking. And here’s something wonderful: some women who didn’t enjoy sports in school because of the competitive atmosphere have now found a newfound love for physical activities later in life.
There’s no better time than now to explore these passions again, or even try something completely new.
One topic that often comes up is creativity, and you don’t have to be good at drawing to be creative. I am not great at drawing, but I absolutely love expressing creativity in other ways. Shows like The Great Pottery Throw Down, The Great British Sewing Bee and The Great British Bake Off have inspired many to explore pottery, sewing or baking. Gardening is a passion for many women, offering a chance to create a beautiful outdoor space that’s also a personal sanctuary. In my women’s group, The Purple Tent, a few members have rediscovered the art of still-life drawing. It’s also wonderful to see knitting and crochet gaining popularity again, with more and more women’s circles embracing these crafts.
Reading is another hobby that often takes a back seat, especially when life gets busy with kids. For years I only found time to read on holiday. Now, I’m trying to bring more balance into my daily life by carving out time for reading.
Spending time in nature is a simple yet powerful way to boost your health and well-being. Instead of meeting friends for coffee, why not take a walk together? Or find a hobby that gets you outdoors?
You might also want to challenge yourself with a new adventure. It doesn’t have to be something grand like swimming the Channel. A challenge can be as simple as trying a new recipe, tackling a gardening project, or enrolling in an evening class. It’s all about what feels meaningful to you.
One question I asked the women I interviewed for my book was: do you make time for yourself? Quality time alone is so important for well-being. It could be as simple as taking a solo walk or enjoying some of the activities I’ve mentioned above by yourself.
If you have a husband or boyfriend, female friendships offer something different. If your partner isn’t interested in certain activities, why not do them on your own or with your girlfriends. This even applies to holidays! I hear many women say their partner doesn’t share their ideal holiday destination. If that’s the case, consider going solo or planning a trip with friends. There are plenty of groups that cater to women-only or solo travellers.
For those in long-term relationships, now might be a great time to revisit your sex life. I’ve seen couples rekindle their relationships once the kids have moved out, and having the house to yourselves can bring a new spark!
I hope these ideas help you reframe the empty nest phase of life. I know it takes confidence to try new things, but you can start small and grow from there. Towards the end of the year, I’ll be talking about vision boards – something I’ve been doing for years. From about October, I reflect on what I want for the next year, and in January, I gather with my Purple Tent friends to create vision boards together. Having a visual reminder of your goals can keep you motivated throughout the year.
Another tip is to fill your social media feeds with role models who are living life to the fullest. Their energy and ideas can inspire and motivate you on your own journey.
I am going to be writing a lot more about ways to embrace age in my next book, but it won’t be out until next year. Until then, I wanted to give those with an empty nest some ideas. And my current blog mini-series is all about Embracing Age. Listen in to my conversations with some inspiring women.
And don’t forget – chances are your kids will be back in 3 years!
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