Recently I met the wonderful Miriam Akhtar. We are soon to be featured together on a TV programme and within minutes we connected. We are the same age, look similar and both have a very positive outlook on life. Miriam is a happiness expert – what a wonderful job title! She is an advocate of positive psychology, the ground-breaking, evidence-based discipline to discover what makes us happy.
It was a pleasure to recently attend Miriam’s book launch/happiness workshop to launch The Little Book of Happiness at the Museum of Happiness in central London during which Miriam explained the 12 happiness habits. It was a great pleasure to share some of Miriam’s thoughts with my women’s group this week, The Purple Tent. Here is a summary of what we discussed. Some text has been taken from Miriam’s book.
Learn to play – if you have children, you have probably spent a fair amount of time playing with them. But what about playing for ourselves? Besides the obvious hobbies such as sports, dancing, singing and cooking – what about getting a group of friends together and playing a board game, cards, heading to the swings or flying a kite? I am sure it will make you smile. Write yourself a play list and schedule in a time to do it.
Express gratitude – it is always great to say thank you. But what about writing a gratitude journal? I am now spending a few minutes at the end of the day, listening to some relaxing music and reflecting back on my day. What were the best things that happened? And I am writing them down in my gratitude journal. It is a great place to be before you go to sleep.
Savour the positive – maximise your enjoyment. Most of us are rushing around and do things too quickly. Why not try slowing down and savour the moment, giving some moments our full attention? Apply your senses: sight, touch, sound, smell, taste. If you have done a mindfulness course you will have been told to try the raisin exercise, but why not do this with a chocolate or a berry? Really look at it, smell it, touch it, hear it and then slowly taste it. Take several minutes to savour it rather than woofing it down. Enjoy.
Harness your strengths – we are often asked to tell people our strengths and weaknesses. It is not an easy exercise. Can you write a list of both? Which list is longer? We all have different strengths so why not harness what we are good at and try to avoid tasks that make us feel uncomfortable?
Live with meaning – what is your purpose in life? It may be our relationships, a contribution to society, personal development, justice, achievement, creativity, spirituality, health, pleasure or leaving a legacy. We will all have different purposes and they change throughout our lives.
Learn optimism – there are many advantages of being optimistic. It improves our health and happiness. I know some people who are glass half empty types but can they turn this around? Miriam believes that optimism is a wonderful habit you can develop. I think when we get up in the morning we should try and start the day with a positive outlook. If we start feeling down, it is easier for things to spiral down rather than get lifted up. And if a negative event happens during your day, don’t dwell on it. Try to turn it around and get back to your positive state. Miriam says that negative events do not need to be personal, permanent or pervasive.
Value relationships – the happiest people are highly social and have close relationships. There are studies on the outcomes of some serious health issues, including breast cancer, that show women with a good network of relationships can be healthier. You can share the highs and lows. Love increases psychological and physiological well being.
Practice kindness – kindness is the virtue of doing good for others without any expectation of personal gain. Kindness is a win:win. Miriam says these acts are good for us and the greater good. In recent years I have made a very conscious effort to complement women more and be kinder. Imagine what a wonderful place the world would be if we all practiced this!
Get physical – those that know me will know my views on this. For sure – we all need to get physical and the positive effects on our mental and physical health are established. I know it is sometimes difficult to find the time, but even 10 minutes a day can help.
Turn to nature – our planet is the most wonderful place full of beauty. When did you last have a walk in the forest? When did you last stop to smell the flowers? Miriam suggests we should have a digital detox. Why not find some time this weekend to get out there and turn to nature? I am sure it will make you smile.
Practice mindfulness – everyone is talking about mindfulness. I have done one of the courses but you do not need to go to that extreme. Mindfulness is about being in the here and now. Do not dwell in the past or worry about things that have not happened. Live for the now. And take time out to breath and meditate. There are some great meditations on YouTube. And when you take your walk in the forest, take time to soak in your surroundings. Be mindful of the moment.
Strive for success – everyone wants different levels of success. We should follow our own path, and decide what success means to us. Decide on what your personal goals are and strive to succeed. Make them realistic as otherwise the chance of failure will be high. Accomplishing your goals will give you a huge sense of achievement.
If you want to read more – get The Little Book of Happiness written by Miriam Akhtar
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